I have been off from my 'day job' recovering from wrist surgery the past couple of months, and while the pain is more than I expected at this point, I have been making the most of my time; reading, writing, napping, walking and doing computer work. However, even having this relaxing and enjoyable stretch of life, I am still sleeping in spurts; maybe an hour or two at a time. Frustrating? Sure, but I have just gotten used to it at this point.
Why would anyone just accept crappy sleep? The dreams. I have vivid, crazy dreams that often lead me to awaken either talking or laughing. A couple examples: Beer Run dream and President Obama dream.
At any rate, we all know that a lack of sleep can make one a bit... irritable. I am very guilty of that; although I have learned through a lot of reflection that my tiredness is not anyone else's fault and I am in err to lash out at them. I am also aware this does not only apply to sleep, but I will stayed on task. It is too bad I did not learn this over twenty years ago as it would have saved my loved ones much headache.
So, I am tired often, but have finally grown enough to put it in perspective. A daily struggle to be sure, but getting easier as the days pass as well. I find that when I am tired, I no longer fight being tired anymore; I just let the tiredness be. I understand that unless sleep is an option, I can either live in the moment with tiredness or I can lose the moment and set my mind in the future looking ahead to sleep or set my mind in the past and regret not sleeping.
In knowing sleep will come in the near future, I have to be patient for that moment and make effort to be mindful of the present moment until then. Our greatest teachers are those who we do not recognize as teachers. For example, I have found that being tired makes you notice different sounds, smells, sensations; your pace is slower, your mind is slower. This is neither good or bad; it just is. Just like the tiredness. I often wonder instead of tiredness being a hindrance, if it is not merely another technique, method in developing awareness and cultivating compassion.
Not too sure tiredness can be a opportunity to foster mindfulness? Next time you are tired, go sit outside, shut off the TV or computer and let your sleepy mind just be. You will be surprised and pleased at what arises, and what doesn't. Don't forget to share the experience!
Yet, even after all of this insight, this mindset of accepting tiredness (among other things) I still sleep like crap. I am not looking for a cure or a solution, honestly, I feel I would lose something if I did! I just find it intriguing how I can be the most calm and centered as I have ever been, and still sleep like a paranoid schizophrenic!
I guess it just goes to show you how deeply ingrained habits can be after years and years; but if I can overcome alcohol, I think I can overcome crappy sleep.
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