I have been reading more and more fiction lately in hopes to better develop my prose as suggested by a recent professor. I have been trying to stick purely to fiction; however, I seem to find myself falling back into non-fiction.
While I understand that reading fiction will only help my writing, I cannot break the habit of learning about the vast amount of subjects that stimulate my mind. I read some great piece of fiction that gets my mind going and then I switch to research mode and get swept up in the learning.
It is an addiction of sorts; that I will not deny. I get an incredible rush when I make new connections, develop new understanding or just learn something entirely new. Perhaps it was that for so many of my early years learning was a challenge; but also, I just never quite thought like the other kids.
And I still don't.
When I first began to get sober I realized for years I let myself believe that I was always wrong; that I just didn't "get it". I spent a lot of time and effort trying to "understand" and "fit in". What a mistake. Now I accept that I don't get it, and I no longer feel that my lack of "understanding" is a bad thing mostly because "it" doesn't make sense!
The world is a crazy and fucked up place. I often think that if I ever understood "it", then either I had caved and comforted, or I had become completely insane. However, I am not so sure these are mutually exclusive...
At any rate, I am wondering if I shouldn't fight the non-fiction urge, to appease the beast to aid in allowing for my fiction to come more easily.
There are so many thoughts, often mixed up between fiction and non-fiction; sometimes they are so actively bouncing off each other my heads spins, quite frankly I feel a bit out of control. I am still working towards that balance of writing, reading and thinking.
Doesn't seem like it should be at difficult, right?
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